Question Everything:Breaking Away from Relationship Norms: Sex ...

In my previous post I used the term Slut Shaming, and I would like to give this concept a little more light.? Here is the link as per Urban Dictionary http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=slut%20shaming, basically summed up as putting women down for being sexually active.? I have written about my tale of being slut shamed in University for kissing guys and the negative impact that had on me.? I basically went into my shell and decided to prove all these guys wrong and became completely monogamous.? It is a very effective tool for men to use in order to get woman to settle down and leave the dating pool, especially in my case.? After writing my last post I received this comment, ?you?re right about the stigma about enjoying sex, you don't hear anyone criticize other physical activities like sports do you? Lol?.? And it is very true, at least it is now.? 40 years ago, if a female really enjoyed a sport, let?s say hockey, then she must be a lesbian.? Woman breaking gender roles always seems to cause a negative reaction from men on a societal level.?

Woman fought to get a vote, followed by fighting to break free of the home and earn equal wages.? Now the battle is to have sexual expression and freedom without stigma?? I have fallen hard and fast into this very trap.? In my open relationship I once asked E if him sleeping around would have a negative effect on me from his friends point of view.? Would his friends judge me for putting up with his behaviour I wondered and would my value therefore decrease with his peers?? These are the flip sides of slut shaming that one in a sheltered and monogamous world does not have to think about.? If he was sexing it up, would it then get mentioned that I was sexing it up too?? And if that was true then of course I am a slut and he is just being a man.

But as my friend aptly implied above, the next generation may very well forget out current struggles to have sexual equality and perhaps this will cease to be an issue if we are open an honest about the sexuality of woman.? When articles are written about sexuality from 2001 pretty much onwards there seems to be a common disclaimer made, which states that studying female sexuality is a recent occurrence and that there is no previous data with which to make conclusions.? Men?s sexuality on the other hand has been explored for decades, for a multitude of reasons very few of which include increasing a females sexual pleasure (sorry of for the low blow, and yes Viagra I would argue is more for the male in many circumstances).? Woman dismissively in the sexual realm are looked upon as too complex to really study with any depth.? And thus we are left with the old adage of we always fear what we don?t understand, and with fear comes the inevitable shame.

The same can be held true for bi-sexuality for another example of fearing what has been unexplored and what we don?t always understand.? Society has long implied that you are straight or gay, middle ground is often ignored.? In 2011 a study came out that finally confirmed that bisexuality is real sexual category, http://healthland.time.com/2011/08/23/scientific-study-finds-that-bisexuality-really-exists/.? How baffling though that this study only came out less than a year ago. Why did it take this long to prove something that feels so basic and simplistic?? Because admittedly when I was in Junior High I know that I thought you could only be gay or straight, and I know the words, ?if he says he bi he is just being selfish by not picking a team?.? Yes I will ashamedly admit I have said that in my early teenage years.? But my knowledge and awareness of sexuality about all things was skewed as a teenager.? We believed that sharks could sense menstrual blood and that blue balls were some mythical and horrible disease that we should never ask questions about.? But as Dan Savage points out, bi-sexuality has been around for centuries and it may lie to the bisexual themselves to start being more open about it.? Pride parades threw in the straight people?s face that they were here and queer and to get used to it.? Bisexuality is no different, and similarly women need to start standing up for their sexual rights as well.

I love sex, and I love a little variety from time to time.? There shouldn?t be shame in saying that and honestly the more I write about this topic the easier it gets to write it without nerves or re-editing.? It is a step in the direction of ending slut shaming.? A step in bringing more focus towards healthy sexual expression for all genders bringing about healthier relationships for all of us.

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